I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
In America we eat man semen.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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