Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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