the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
