well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
