There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
