My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm really busy with my period
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