She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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