i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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