Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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