why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize