If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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