Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
