everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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