He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
