my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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