her vagine was all disorganized.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
