i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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