I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
