Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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