He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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