hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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