i need an iv and a liver transplant
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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