I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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