its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dicks are not precious.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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