Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize