I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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