Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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