Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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