I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
