Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You are the jesus of drinking
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
