I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
