So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The adults are the big ones right?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
