it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
