The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
