note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
