We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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