She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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