I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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