Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
two words: eviction party
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The air was thick with penises
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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