He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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