she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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