You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
