just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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