just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
