dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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