I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize