I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
