She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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