He uses pillows to masturbate.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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