so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
