my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
