Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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