so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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