somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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