Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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