OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
high people should be assigned attendants
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
then he tried to convert me to islam
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I am one with the molecules
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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