That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
