Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
