mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so let's talk penis.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
