tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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