there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
