even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
