Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
