Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I cannot find my penis.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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