If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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