i was born a porn star she said
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
