they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
