i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize