didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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