you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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