I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
