I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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