Swine flu is the new snow day.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
