I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
