if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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