I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
