After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
