We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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