never play flip cup with pint glasses
there's paper in my vomit.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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