They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
